It’s been nearly 4 months since I’ve written a race report, and I will have to wait a little longer to get to write about racing. I went to Augusta, GA this weekend with full intentions of racing my first triathlon since my Mother's passing on July 4. I had done an open water swim race and a 5 mile road race in July and August to help reintroduce myself to racing. Jarrod has done a wonderful job of getting me back into shape. My body hasn't been perfect; I've been managing a very old SI niggle that flared up in late August and early September. I haven't quite managed to get my usual training volume back up, but it's been pretty good. However, with all of that being said, I still felt like I could do it, that I was ready, not perfect, but ready to just do my best.
I went through all my usual pre-race routines. I had studied the course, my bike was tuned to perfection and checked into transition the day before, all my gear was laid out in my hotel room. I had an open heart and mind and felt no judgment or expectation of what would happen; all of that changed the night before the race. We went to bed and I was overcome with anxiety. Long story short, I barely slept and woke up feeling very unwell. I was not mentally ready to race. I was not in the right mental state to compete, let alone participate. After a long discussion with Jarrod I made the difficult decision to not race. I was relieved as soon as I made that call which is how I knew it was the right decision. Jarrod and I drove to transition, and I picked up my bike. It was the strangest feeling, to be at a race and choosing to walk away from it. But I knew, to the core of my body that I was making the right decision.
I am not embarrassed or disappointed in myself, I wasn't ready to race yet. I do not regret my decision to go to Augusta, I needed to try and now I know where I’m at. In just a few days, it will have been 3 months since my Mom passed. I wasn't sure if I would be able to return to racing after she died, but I want to keep an open mind to it. This weekend showed me that I need more time. I won't attempt to race a triathlon again until Challenge Daytona this December. Right now, I’m emotionally exhausted. Time to press reset, do some more healing and continue to build on the training I’ve been doing.
Thank you for reading and for your support.